burnt lungs, sleeping cinders

draw it in, take a breath
let the anxiety leave
all that's left is smoke and ash
what's another one,
another stick, another break
another reason to hate myself

no alcohol, no weed, no pills
just me in this gazebo
this unrelenting heat, unrelenting remembrance
fire simmers within me
rivaling the summer
growing, hungering, starving
a need to escape
a time for myself
a moment that is quiet, a moment that is peaceful

light it up, feel its heat
take it all in until the very end
heart rate goes up, belief goes down
if it only gets better from here
when is better? what is better?
can i pencil it in my planner?
check up on it in my calendar?

i reach for hands,
hands on the other side of this hemisphere
hold me close, touch me gently
wrap me in night, tend to my flame
tend to this passion, this spitfire
this supergiant sun
tend to an ember that refuses to die

it's almost time to go back
back to neutrality, back to conformity
back to dullness and repetition

my boot knows the taste of tar