caged angel, cut wings
they only want an angel made in their own vision. those who do not fit into that vision, into that perfect little box, into the role that is expected of them are sentenced into a life of ridicule. shame is a blade that cuts thinly, yet deeply. fear is the boot that steps on our throats. in the end, what freedom i might have, what wings i might have used to soar and reach new heights, have been cruelly stripped from me.
i'm so fucking tired....... i know i'll never be what they want, truly. they can drape me with their cloths, clean me with their water, but i'll still have my mother's eyes. i can sit here pretty for the world, like a doll, but all that fills me is disgust and despair. i don't want to be what you want me to be. i am my own being.
everything hurts. i'm just trying to get by. all i really want is to fly.
i can feel myself rotting //in here//. my body feels wrong, my soul wants to escape. i keep getting things put on me, things to tie me down to the ideal of the now. pretty things can still feel like chains.
piece by piece, i can feel myself rebuilding. the soul rejects the ideal, the body does not wish to conform, the mind is set on change. on growth. on transition. the cuts are still there - the words of the past rent free in my head. i know that i am afraid that i might not be able to leave the box. i am afraid i cannot change. fear chokes me. i fight it daily. there are scars on my feet. there are scars on my back. there are scars on my being. in the morning, i am never sure if i win, but i am always sure when i lose. no one notices that i walk differently.
maybe everyone's in their own sort of cage. there could be a chance that we crave to be put in boxes, to be kept birds in perfect squares.
i resent the cage. i abhor the cage. i will leave the cage.
the creature is vengeful. not all heals properly, or fully. some wounds will never heal. there is heavy resentment for what has been done to me. am i on the way to freedom, or am i too bitter to embrace it? will i ever be able to fly?
