looking up

I don't make a habit of looking up
the ground is my comfort zone
solid, certain, secure
no eyes greet me from there, down below

Walks outside were a challenge
the worry that all eyes are on me
it is at the forefront of my mind
ground is comfort, home is sanctuary
outside, there is danger

One cannot enjoy the day with such thoughts
with a mind and a soul haunted
haunted, eyes unmoving
spirit searching
body, wandering and wandering
for a truth, a moment, a feeling
a time where I am fully free

The sun is warm on my skin
it is hard to ignore when outside
I feel its sting, and its embrace
I can't stop myself from...

...looking up...

Looking up... there are clouds, high up
the birds soaring, gliding on the winds
the colors of the leaves bright
bright, green, full of life, life
that I feel filling me

Somehow, the world seems to brighten
when I'm not looking at the dark,
dark ground, the trapping ground
the ground that held me in place
the ground that kept me rooted when anxious
freeing myself is the real battle

I uproot myself from my shame
I cut away from my fear
I burn off the invasive species that is
my subconscious, my ego
the me lost in myself

I look up to find me
smiling at all the color
all of the hope for growth

Looking up, I pray for a better me, and a better day