the high point

the climb is always easy. getting up here has always been a comfort to the soul, and a torture to the body. it's quiet. no one dares to go this far up the mountain. the ground warns me, each step forward with my bare feet more uncomfortable than the last. cuts sting across my skin. the brush is unforgiving. all that is on my mind is to make it up, up, up. this isn't the furthest that i can go, i tell myself.

if i go where no one has gone before, will there be some sort of accomplishment in that? i'm unsure. i reach up, pulling myself up the rock one last time so that i can sit right at the edge. it's uncomfortable. i can feel the rock and the sand and the dirt digging into me. i have no fat to act as a cushion. i feel each ache in my body.

oh, but the SKY! the beautiful, blue sky.

up here, it's as if i can touch the clouds. the caress of the mist from the elevation, water gathering between gas and liquid to be present as a vapor. i inhale. i exhale. it fills my lungs. it leaves my lungs. the water becomes smoke as it leaves my body. i feel myself reaching a new sort of high, beyond that of which that is physical. i splay out my hands. i feel the air. i look up at the clouds. i think, oh look! i can make those too.

are there angels that prance about up here? do they find beauty and freedom, up here in this air? i wish to know. i can feel myself twitching here at the edge. i can just figure out if i can fly right now. will i fly and soar just like them?

will i finally be free?

the climb was never easy. my gaze falls from the sky and down to my body. the comfort in my soul cost me the wellness of my body. if i am covered in scars, no one will be able to know how i got some of them. up here is an escape. up here is a sanctuary. up here, i will not be touched... the further i go, the safer i am. it does not matter if nature is unforgiving - mankind has the potential to be worse.

quietness is safety, solitude is security. but maybe falling will give me freedom. freedom, however, is earned. i must gain some sort of boon, some sort of accomplishment as payment for my future.

if i go where no one has gone before, will there be some sort of future for me?

my hands are shaking. my grip on the edge is loose. i'm staring, down, down, down. it's quiet and i cannot scream for help. there is no one here. no one dares to be this high up, no one dares to challenge the impossible lest they lose their lives. my feet ache. my legs ache. my torso aches. there is no more strength in my body. i can feel that i want to give up.

the sky. the sky. the sky.

i tear my gaze back upwards. i push myself away from the ledge and scurry into the brush. i fall. i trip. i roll down the rock. my body is catapulted down into the trees. my gaze is still fixed up at the sky. blue. bright. new.

time to start over.