the scream machine

This is a page for all of the short(er) thoughts I have that I would normally post on places like Bluesky or Discord.


2026SEPT14 - MONDAY:
@9PM US PACIFIC - soooooo on my bus the driver and a rider got into it over the bus fee and now the guy is saying fuck you to the driver and I'm so unsure about what the issue is because insults were thrown almost immediately.

2026SEPT13 - SUNDAY:
@5PM US PACIFIC - feeling the sort of awful that cannot be fixed until I get my head out of the sand, which is difficult when you're the one burying yourself deep into the ground. they say that we're our own worst enemy, I think I'm just trolling and ragebaiting myself by letting certain thoughts circulate my mind over and over and over
@1130AM US PACIFIC - god i am so dogshit at roguelites...

2026SEPT10 - THURSDAY:
@925PM US PACIFIC - today I spoke at length with a coworker about her travels, and it really didn't hit me until now how much travelling is a privilege. I was able to go to so many places around the world because of my parents and the nature of my dad's job, but in reality I never thought about the thousands of dollars it cost to get us places. my coworker is telling me how she needs to save up so much for her next trip to Europe and all I could think about was how, now that I'm on my own, I need to do the same if I want to travel out of the country.

2026SEPT09 - WEDNESDAY:
@1130PM US PACIFIC - what drives me away from Hobonichi is the shipping and the sheer amount of hype that it gets. I'm not saying it's completely undeserved, it just sucks that there's so many exclusive items that people cannot get just because they're not in Japan right now. that, or I'm just generally not a fan of exclusivity lol.

2026SEPT07 - MONDAY:
@1150AM US PACIFIC - we are finally in my birth month! i still need to request for some time off for my birthday and organize something for me and my loved ones. i'm still unsure about how i want to spend my birthday, but ultimately i just want to be surrounded by the people i care about the most. i asked the homies if they'd be interested in a social hour of some sort and they said yes, so i might do something like that. not sure how i'll go about it, but we'll figure it out.

2026AUG31 - MONDAY:
@1235PM US PACIFIC - things do get better and it's pretty hard to believe. I need to repeat to myself that I deserve a good life, and that none of the good things happening to me are short-lived and not worth recognizing.

2026AUG30 - SUNDAY:
@915PM US PACIFIC - there's a story that's been stuck in my head for literal years about gays in space but I am so unsure about my own writing ability that I have been too chickenshit to put anything out there. I think what I'll start out with is making character sheets and a brief synopsis, then maybe try my hand at making oneshots? I don't know, I haven't done anything like this before so it's a little daunting...
@815AM US PACIFIC - currently obsessed with refried beans and rice

2026AUG25 - TUESDAY:
@110PM US PACIFIC - the days blend together, which I personally hate. nothing feels worse than feeling like time is escaping you, that you'll never have enough of it.

2026AUG23 - SUNDAY:
@8PM US PACIFIC - I am thinking of having a bunch of my pages change to match my home page layout for simplicity's sake. Even if it doesn't match entirely, I guess I just want everything to be a bit more cohesive now. It'll be a pain to move everything over, and I'll probably do it on my main machine instead of the laptop, but I've grown tired of how some of my pages look at the moment. Ah, what a curse...

2026AUG21 - FRIDAY:
@1050PM US PACIFIC - instead of just making the gaming blog, i opted to just make a miscellaneous category under the specifics so i can just put other random shit that i've been meaning to talk about in there

2026AUG20 - THURSDAY:
@145PM US PACIFIC - today I am planning to add a gaming blog to my website, I'm just unsure where to put it and if I want it to have the same theme as my personal and virtual reality blog. ultimately I think I'll keep it all the same just so it's simple but part of me is like, "why don't you make something crazy" and it's really hard for me to turn my brain off from that lol.

2026AUG19 - WEDNESDAY:
@130PM US PACIFIC - id rather mess around with my website right now instead of doing literally anything else. i easily get bored with things that are mundane and not fun, such as bills and figuring out my work and therapy schedules. welp, no one else can do it for me except me...

2026AUG18 - TUESDAY:
@130PM US PACIFIC - one of the best feelings in the world is being able to stomp around an urban area with platform boots on

2026AUG17 - MONDAY:
@845PM US PACIFIC - the 100s virginia slims silver menthol ciggies are not too bad, I think I might prefer them over the camel crush silvers nowadays.

2026AUG16 - SUNDAY:
@9PM US PACIFIC - the day has felt immensely long, and I feel the need to have all the tenseness in my body removed. the only way this can be reached is a nice hot shower and a homecooked dinner.
@1230PM US PACIFIC - the days seem to blur together since I've been out of the BHU. it's already been more than two months, but for some reason I keep telling myself that I'm not getting any better. I'm sober, sleeping without getting high every night, and I don't spend hours in the evening ruminating over every terrible decision I've made. maybe it is all in my head.

2026AUG14 - FRIDAY:
@520PM US PACIFIC -


you are cordially invited to stop

2026JUL29 - WEDNESDAY:
@637AM US PACIFIC - southern california gets surprisingly cold in the mornings and then it becomes practically an oven as the day progresses. god, i miss seattle so fucking much... my gloomy and cloudy weather....

2026JUL26 - SUNDAY:
@1140AM US PACIFIC - i stupidly didn't charge my laptop before i left for work today so i bought a 35USD laptop adapter because i am stupid with my money :)

2026JUL24 - FRIDAY:
@550PM US PACIFIC - being in the dmv feels like being stuck in limbo

2026JUL22 - WEDNESDAY:
@908AM US PACIFIC - rain in southern california feels like a blessing, however californians typically think it's the end of the world because not many of them are used to the darker skies and lack of sun. i relish days like this because it reminds me of being in seattle, even just for a bit. i miss that city, and i miss washington state in general.

2026JUL21 - TUESDAY:
@1221PM US PACIFIC - unfortunately i get very nervous when i hear sirens. i think about how the sirens during the march 11th earthquake in japan sounded and then i think about how i was in that situation all over again. i also just don't like being around places where emergencies are happening. there's something in me that wishes to get away as far as possible.

2026JUL13 - MONDAY:
@935PM US PACIFIC - it's been really hot lately, even thru the night, so i have to set up my fan to make sure it's tilted upwards a little so it can reach me in my bed. i have my window open as well so that the colder air can come in. i pray that tomorrow will not be so bad.

2026JUL12 - SUNDAY:
@740AM US PACIFIC - spam, rice, and egg is the quintessential breakfast

2026JUL11 - SATURDAY:
@710AM US PACIFIC - everytime i switch between my laptop that has cachyos installed and my desktop that has windows (for work and gaming) i feel myself get stressed from dealing with windows. just anything to do with windows 11 will stress me out because of COPILOT COPILOT TRY THIS TRY THAT and all i want to do is simply finish up my commissions. popups are my enemy

2026JUL08 - WEDNESDAY:
@1235AM US PACIFIC - there are times that i wish there were more hours in the day and that i would not feel so tired and in need of rest. i want to do more, i want to talk to people more, i wish to have more free time at my expense. alas, this is not the case.

2026JUL02 - THURSDAY:
@420PM US PACIFIC - it's so ridiculously hot, I'm glad I don't have to be outside suffering in it. what I'm worried about is that it gets worse as the summer progresses, and this is but a hint of the full extent of the heat that we will receive. I am not looking forward to that. find me under the trees with a iced tea in hand....

2026JUN30 - TUESDAY:
@425PM US PACIFIC - people can be terrible to each other for no good reason. like some people wake up and are okay with yelling, shouting, screaming at others when they don't get what they want immediately. i wish those people would take a good, hard look at the mirror and realize the harm they are doing to others and themselves.
@1120AM US PACIFIC - sometimes i have a crisis in the morning because i am unsure what bag i should bring to work because i forget what i actually need for the day...

2026JUN24 - WEDNESDAY:
@242PM US PACIFIC -


my husband went out with me for meetings and some subway...
he's so ugly, i love him

2026JUN23 - TUESDAY:
@1015AM US PACIFIC - reinstalled debian on my thinkpad because of a few errors and bugs, thankfully everything is ok. i'm also trying to understand what people use local language learning models for, because i guess i personally don't see the appeal. so many people at work and in places around me say that LLMs help them with stuff like their emails or writing papers, but to me, using something to create stuff that i can easily do myself feels wrong. i don't wanna judge people too harshly, but still, it seems a bit weird to rely on LLMs too heavily. i guess what i'd personally want would be a translator for content that hasn't been localized yet, or a personal assistant to sort thru files.

2026JUN22 - MONDAY:
@9AM US PACIFIC - i have an appointment today and my anxiety is thru the roof... i really don't know how to calm down about going to the doctors, i just hate being seen. but it is irrational to think i am completely fine and not sick. sigh.

2026JUN18 - THURSDAY:
@1PM US PACIFIC - when I went walking today, I forgot my ID and absently thought that if someone were to take me here I could just be fricking dead. or, I'm overthinking this and going outside for a walk despite where I'm at is totally normal and fine and if anyone tries to take me away I should fight like hell.

2026JUN17 - WEDNESDAY:
@9AM US PACIFIC - I'll be able to hangout with my friends tomorrow and that alone will keep me giddy the whole day today. We'll be listening to Don Toliver's album "OCTANE" together and it'll be so dope.

2026JUN16 - TUESDAY:
@8PM US PACIFIC -

I am obsessed with this two hour set. That's it, that's the scream.

2026JUN14 - SUNDAY:
@11AM US PACIFIC - right now, my favorite set that i keep coming back to is Risorah?'s Garage 30 Radio set. it truly is a masterpiece in taking the listener on an emotional journey, and that's coming from somoene who doesn't regularly listen to the genres that are displayed in this set.

2026JUN06 - SATURDAY:
@1230AM US PACIFIC - on friday, neocities went down due to issues with namecheap, and as horrible as the situation is (honestly anything to do with dns and site hosting in this day and age is a headache) i couldn't stop the chuckle i let out finding out that the reason is because of /namecheap/, which doens't even sound like a real brand or provider name to me.

2026JUN02 - TUESDAY:
@11PM US PACIFIC - i am incapable of doing nothing for ten minutes, not sure if this is a curse or a blessing because i got so much done today at work and in my personal projects but i am also really exhausted AND i am still sick
@2AM US PACIFIC - been streaming and playing wuthering waves and i am both underwhelmed and overwhelmed at everything the game has to offer so far. it feels like another genshin game, but the story is interesting enough where i want to get more of it along with the combat. being able to dodge and counterattack is really fun, and it's very satisfying getting them done on time. however, this is still a gacha game. never forget, future me. gacha games are your enemy (half joking).

2026JUN01 - MONDAY:
@1210AM US PACIFIC - happy pride. anyone who finds me cute is gay. thank you.

2026MAY24 - SUNDAY:
@11AM US PACIFIC - stretching makes everything hurt so this is probably a sign that i have been overdoing it lately

2026MAY21 - THURSDAY:
@10PM US PACIFIC - i'm activated and i really want to write a short story on a space colony casually living out in space and it's all because i saw a post on bluesky asking people what they would be doing in a space colony and all of the responses were so fun

2026MAY18 - MONDAY:
@915AM US PACIFIC - wish i was just fun all the time. there's moments i have that i can't help but be stoic, and it can ruin the vibe of the room if i'm being like this. i just have to leave or stay quiet, and most of the time i opt to just stay quiet. i'll probably keep doing this just to make everything easier.

2026MAY14 - THURSDAY:
@1130PM US PACIFIC - sleeping on the floor... i cannot recommend it but sometimes floor time feels really good. being on the floor makes me feel tiny, like i'm a speck of dust, unimportant and fleeting. the moment i rise and stand on my two legs, my blood rushing from one end of my body to the other at the sudden movement, i have the urge to return to the ground. oh to be a speck, oh to be nothing but dust.

@4PM US PACIFIC - preparing for pride also includes preparing for people to ask really sensitive and forward questions about the transmasculine experience

2026MAY13 - WEDNESDAY:
@1240AM US PACIFIC - unfortunately, i am a dj, so i am spending my free time after work figuring out how to use an updated version of my dj software instead of getting a good night's rest like a smart, well-to-do working class citizen should do

2026MAY05 - TUESDAY:
@930PM US PACIFIC - they want you to share everything with them, they want to know where you are, what you believe in, what makes you spend the most money. they want you to hand over your information, and they'll do it in the pursuit of "protecting the children". and we let them, too engrossed in whatever flavor of instant gratification we are currently hooked on.

2026MAY04 - MONDAY:
@6PM US PACIFIC - my energy levels have been so severely low lately. i find that i cannot really engage in any of the hobbies i normally would have happily let take up my time during my days off, such as rendering, digital art and collaging, editing photos, making music or singing... thinking of doing any of that doesn't feel satisfactory or fun. admitting to that feels like a defeat, but maybe i'm just tired. i'm not entirely sure, all i can hope for is that the next block of free time i have, i can do something with it that isn't just thinking about our inevitable end
@1245AM US PACIFIC - lately i have been watching so much warharmmer 40k lore videos and i worry that i may need to get into this in full. i am pretty sure it all started from this crazy diagram of a dreadnought i saw on bluesky recently...

2026MAY02 - SATURDAY:
@1125AM US PACIFIC - true conflict resolution is done behind closers doors, in private settings where all parties involved can speak honestly with each other.

2026MAY01 - FRIDAY:
@120AM US PACIFIC - not really sure what's gotten into me but i've been watching a lot of refurbishing videos, specifically ones where people are fixing up old thinkpads and installing them with linux distros. those videos, and showcase videos of ricing setups on linux distros, typically wayland or some other tiling environment that has cool animations and shit

2026APR30 - THURSDAY:
@835PM US PACIFIC - gotta stop stressing myself out when i make stuff

2026APR19 - SUNDAY:
@1240AM US PACIFIC - i'll be retiring the theme that i am currently using for the archive category pages and for 'other writing'. these are the only pages that are not entirely mobile compatible, so that needs to change

2026APR18 - SATURDAY:
@1030AM US PACIFIC - i'm not allowed to listen to loud music for a bit, and i'm also not allowed to use earphones anymore. i'm gonna be adjusting to using my speakers more often now, which, i already did for general things like listening to music and podcasts. however, if i wanna game, i also have to use speakers which i'm not used to. i have used earphones every time i play competitive games, for example. this is gonna be a bit of a tough change for me.

2026APR15 - WEDNESDAY:
@1120PM US PACIFIC - currently unsure if i should ignore the trend of me wanting to post in here around the same time or if i should just let myself go about my business lol

2026APR14 - TUESDAY:
@1140PM US PACIFIC - i ate way too many gummy sour lifesavers and i am currently WIRED, i am WIDE AWAKE and this is a problem. i might even have a light night snack, that's how crazy i feel right now

2026APR13 - MONDAY:
@1150PM US PACIFIC - sometimes i miss people who don't even really know me, just strangers who i was familiar with seeing at places i frequented but i don't see them anymore. i wonder where they are, how they're doing, if they're okay and if they're ever going to come back. sometimes, my mind assumes the worst, so then i try not to think about those people. i still do.

2026MAR26 - THURSDAY:
@110PM US PACIFIC - every now and then i find myself debating internally about /gatekeeping/. there's been points made about gatekeeping being a necessary evil in that it protects niche hobbies from being capitalized on severely or having their communities invaded by people who take said niche hobbies for granted. there's also been counterpoints made saying that it isn't really our right to say who gets to enjoy this or that thing. i'm at a crossroads personally, since i sort of agree with either side. i think ultimately being an asshole for no reason is what everyone should try to avoid.

2026MAR22 - SUNDAY:
@2AM US PACIFIC - there's a part of me that thinks that i need to find a little corner of the earth where it's just me so i can scream and scream and scream

2026MAR18 - WEDNESDAY:
@12PM US PACIFIC - i just had the most disgusting black tea ever. like, this was genuinely one of the most rancid tasting black teas i have ever had the displeasure of trying and tasting with my mouth and tongue and throat. i wish i could forget this taste. oh myh fucking god.

2026MAR17 - TUESDAY:
@1216AM US PACIFIC - the snak club tajin watermelon rings are actually really fucking good. like now i kinda want more flavors with these rings, the consistency and chew is so perfect.

2026MAR15 - SUNDAY:
@1051PM US PACIFIC - i wonder if anyone has gotten doom to work on that fucking samsung fridge with the big ass screen on it yet. someone asked me recently if i would be able to put a linux distro on it (which is funny to me) but i think it would be much funnier to play doom on it.