i love and hate how much this site inspires me. i really wanna just dig into building up an entire site and not be relying on a box template but i really do not have the time... it's kinda disheartening but, eventually i'll be able to spend more time on it! it would be really neat to make a site based off of gojo entirely, that would be so sick. i've always thought it'd be neat to do some kind of corporate grunge fan site for him on here, with art that i've made inspired by gojo's character. idk whatever fan stuff, but on a diff note i identify very much with gojo from jjk, but there seems to be this misconception that i want to fuck him. EL EM AY OH you could NOT be any more wrong. my type is specifically dark haired violent goths (iykyk lmao).
i keep telling myself i'll get better at saying no, but i end up being really bad at it hahaha. my friend fray put it succintly to me earlier today - if i keep saying "yes" just because i wanna help out and be a nice guy, i'll never really have enough time for myself. she's so fucking right though. i guess it isn't necessarily guilt about saying no that gets me entirely in my head, it's that i LOVE being a part of things and i love doing what i can to make stuff happen and saying no feels wrong to /me/ if that makes sense. i have been a host and a social person both in and out of vr for a long time, despite my averseness to being touched i know what i love - gathering people together, finding joy together, celebrating each other together. it's a literal drug. i had the joy of spending time w homies more the last few weeks and it has been pretty healing, and i want more of it but i have limited spoons, limited time, and sometimes my ISP fucks me over when i do have both!!! i can't fucking win... lol.
i have many interests. it is the bane of my existence. i was talking to my friend nonny about how i keep wanting to go different directions creatively, and i felt relieved to hear that he has been feeling the same in his own endeavours. for me, i want to get another EP out before the year ends, but i also want to develop more of my 3d design skillset and that also takes time. he suggested i focus on my EP, which i just might. i have a lot of things i have already been working on, so i might as well build all of that up. i really gotta sit down at my piano and record again too, there's some things i have repeating in my head that i haven't gotten out fully. it's been such a lovely time rediscovering my love for music outside of DJing and inside producing, but it's also a huge wall of learning for me. i'm a slow learner, i'm bad with change, but i'm pretty stubborn and i have a vision so maybe that's enough.
anyways thanks for reading, i hope you eat something sweet later or tmrw or today :p