old poetry.

24 june 2025 - tuesday
crystallize my heart
hide me in your core,
cover us deep under...
...away from the eye of the universe

let our union shine brightly away from greedy eyes,
the eyes of humanity
the eyes of the unworthy

here, so far down in our soil
our eyes gaze over each other
bodies forever intertwined
a beautiful creation born of pure, honest love
a geode of eternally tangible passion.

21 june 2025 - saturday
i am plagued by faceless whispers
eerie warnings of what may happen
old songs haunting the mind
a true melody of madness that i alone can hear
that i alone can bear witness

all i can hope for is an intermission
a break, not a stop
a respite, not a reprieve
for i desperately need a moment for myself.

29 may 2025 - thursday
clouds filling my sky
the moment your presence makes itself known to me
only you bring comfort with darkness

for a brief moment, our domains touch
here, all that matters is you and me

our love is displayed
thru the saturated gradients of dusk
steaks of yellows, oranges, and pinks
blending into the canvas of blues and purples

time is a cruel moderator
distance a testing overseer

we will meet again at dawn.

18 may 2025 - monday, 8pm
the sonnets i write in my mind are reminiscent of the wind
rising and lowering in gusto,
with the ability to roar,
with the ability to SOAR!
what more could i possibly want from this song?

i hear of every possibility
i feel change like a warm hug
i know many things are possible if i continue on

this music encompasses me
a melody known but also lost,
an artifact of time

i think of you when i look up
i see you in every phase of the moon
like the rushing gusts,
i chase your silhouette

and i sing.

18 may 2025 - monday, 3pm
days that are lost are simply days that are lost

we cannot buy more time, instead
our purchases are those of a materialistic sort
to stave off our lost souls,
we dig holes and creat caves
where we rest and wait for our end

we dig our own graves
we sing our final songs
and when the time comes...

...we fade into nothingness with open arms.

8 april 2025 - tuesday
the curtains of night are pulled over the dome of the sky
the hand of the moon grasping, reaching out
beams of light caress the earth
darkness is comforting as our warmth is shared

for a brief moment, the moon and the sun are together
holding their hands during dusk
lovers meeting in the time between night and day

24 hours, one of which belongs to solely us.

16 march 2025 - sunday
i have prayed
i have whispered
to the wind, the earth, the sea, and the heavens
with no reply but howling gusts
shaking ripples from the ground
the smell of salt from oncoming waves to shore
and the curtains of the sky changing with the day

these answers from nature have taught me one thing
regardless of any circumstance,
our cries for mercy or for things to be different
are largely ignored by nature

life charges on,
with or without anyone's permission
and it is often cruel.

11 march 2025 - tuesday
my eyes are open
but i know i cannot see

there is no truth within these walls
only the stench of fear

tyranny finds its residence here
permeating every inch of our living space

i close my eyes
i attempt to find comfort in the intangible

i am a thought
i am an ideal
i am a concept
if i am not real, if i am not tangible
they cannot hurt me.

5 march 2025 - wednesday
now that you are gone
do you hear the cries of all those who remain
down here in the clutches
of this earthly plain, this earthly existence?

simply being can be daunting in the face of change
i now breathe air devoid of you
i see memories instead of momentos
i perceive everything that simply was of you
as what remains of you, now

questions of what if, what then, what now
unanswered, unspoken, unsaid
no one can breathe any life back into your name
since there is none now in your body

i can hear that you have joined the choir
singing from the heavens.

8 february 2025 - saturday
unrestrained, unlimited,
not bound by the rules of the universe
free to choose and free to simply be
yet, in these spaces
where anything in our mind's eye is possible
how many times do we venture into the unknown?
how much do we practice existential courage?
where we never trap our own being
where we never limit ourselves to what we know?
let us be empowered to go
to surprise and delight ourselves and others
with wonder, curiosity, hope, and love.

31 december 2024 - tuesday
foggy air clings to the shore and buildings
lights muted by both the fog and the excitement
a crowd growing by the water as the clock ticks and tocks
time seemingly slowing as we huddle close in anticipation

soon the year will end, quickly followed by the new
contemplating all of the events, memories, and people
all of them who have personally impacted me
ultimately those closest to me have seen it all
seen the darker parts of me
yet stayed earnestly, loving me earnestly
i am forever grateful

the fog and the mist seem to grow thicker with the crowd
energy guzzes inside me and around me
i welcome change, i welcome this new era
happy new year.

27 december 2024 - friday, 5pm
colorful strokes beautifully paint the sky
in hues of pink, purple, blue, and gold
the sun chases the light of adventure
with the moon pulling the curtain of night
patient, following, loving
their passion is etched into the sky

crowds disperse with the day
those who stay find true fellowship in the dark
the desert sand settles as i sit here
a stranger in a land sacred to many
i revere those who stood here before me
who were here hundreds of years ago
i know that i am very much a visitor

i whisper my own prayers as i leave for a different light
the moon smiles down on me.

27 december 2024 - friday, 2am
i dream of a world and a time that does not quite exist yet
i dream of a place that is caught in between tangible reality and digital existence
the time spent with you feels like limbo
where it is real yet also distant
presently here but also not quite here
but also not quite there either

maybe it is the fate of those in partnerships like ours
to be in a constant state of longing unlike any other until our worlds collide
someday soon, it will be our time.

19 december 2024 - thursday, "what is falling in love?"
falling in love is when i
can't even get enough of all
the quiet moments between us,
where conversation is savored
and not forced

falling in love is realizing all the things you know
all the things you can list of one person
i cant sit here and recall all of
the times we have spent together with fondness

falling in love is... tiring
you fill my mind, my heart, my soul
i tire of this space, this distance between us

falling in love is admitting i want to give up
i want to give up so much for a life with you
and nothing less could ever suffice.

28 october 2024 - monday, "in silence"

"comfort in silence"
most of my days are quiet
the noises in my room serve as my company
the whirring of my pc fans,
the humming from the tv,
the scratch of my pen across this paper
here is my safe space, here is my home

i seldom want to invite anyone over
it feels invasive and wrong
...i don't want anyone in my sanctuary

but, what if i actually do?

what if i want to invite you in for coffee?
what if i want to show you my sticker collection?
what if i want us to make art together?
would you laugh? would you leave?
would you even want to see the me that exists within these walls?

i don't have any answers to these questions
my days remain quiet.

"torture in silence"
sometimes the quiet becomes a villain
the creature in the dark, hiding in the shadows of my mind
its presence only known to me
i am afraid of the thoughts the quiet brings

maybe i should have company over
maybe i shouldn't be alone
maybe someone else should be here, with me
to fill the spaces taken up by dangerous thoughts
with, instead, maybe some lighthearted banter
and reassuring smiles.

29 september 2024 - sunday
i wake early, memories haunt me
faces of those lingering in painful glimpses of the past
they pass thru my mind
i shiver - it isn't cold
tears flow freely
my body has not forgotten them
the ones who left their mark on me
neither has my soul

they say people are more likely to remember bad things
i wish the inverse to be true for me, someday
instead, i still know their names and
all the sins, the unforgiveable sins, tied to them
scars forever marred on my being
that my body no longer show

it isn't a good day for rain
yet the rain comes,
whether we like it or not
so i lay here and wait for it to pass
all of us wait for our own storms to clear.

17 september 2024 - tuesday
when i think about time spent on this earth
with strangers and loves one alike... i am in awe
this attraction, this need to be around and socialize,
to simply be and exist
it is like water to me, and i am thirsty

this thirst is in no way inherently sexual,
romantic, or whatever way similar
i am simply in awe

i am in awe in the many ways you all move
this earth, this world, this existence is so daunting,
yet i am in awe!
i am in awe in the ways you dare to live
the way you dare to smile and move forward,
despite the terrifying unknown
the way you dare to keep expressing,
to keep changing, to keep loving
to dare to love, openly and honestly

time keeps passing and i struggle to hold on
i cannot miss a single second of this existence,
of this water of life
let me witness you
let me witness all of you.

7 september 2024 - saturday, "comfort"
i like hugs, i like the encompassing warmth
i like that each hug feels like a promise
a promise that changes depending on the person that i hug

i like hugs, but
i do not feel deserving of the warmth

when im not internally screaming
when my mind and body arent at odds with each other
when im not shivering in fear from touch
that is when i like hugs
that is precisely when i crave hugs

i keep my distance behind a polite facade
and shove my twitching hands and fingers into my pockets.